So for months, someone in our office fridge was stealing lunches. Like clockwork. Sandwiches gone. Leftovers disappeared. Whole Chipotle bowls, vanished.
Management sent out the usual “please respect your coworkers” email, but nothing changed. We even got a camera installed outside the break room (which legally can’t face the fridge, lol), but it didn’t help.
Enter my coworker Jenna (bless her chaotic soul). She decided to fight passive-aggression with creative aggression. She labeled her lunch:
“Keto Liver Cleanse Bowl, Do Not Eat Unless You Want Explosive Diarrhea”
It stayed untouched.
Next day:
“Raw Chicken Sushi, Fermenting for Gut Health Only”
Still there.
We all got on board. Every lunch became some kind of terrifying wellness experiment:
“Vegan Dog Food Taste Test”
“Leftover Cow Placenta, Paleo Edition”
“Expired Sardine Smoothie (Dr. Oz Approved!)”
No one’s lunch got touched for three weeks straight.
Then suddenly, the fridge was clean. Empty. Not a single lunch anywhere. We were confused… until someone checked the trash.
Every lunch, label and all, had been thrown out. Every. Single. One.
Turns out, the lunch thief was our boss. She thought the fridge was “getting too disgusting” and started tossing everything she found “unsafe.” We only found out because someone caught her mid-throw with a “Fertility Soup (For Hormonal Balance)” and she panicked.
Now the rule is: names must be on every lunch, and no diets or jokes allowed on labels.
But honestly? Totally worth it. Still miss the “fermented beef yoga wrap” era.