I (32F) am heartbroken and kind of in shock. My best friend (30F) is getting married in September. We’ve been best friends for over a decade and last year she asked me to be her maid of honor, which I happily agreed to.
It’s a destination wedding at a Catholic church where her fiancé’s family is from. I bought my plane ticket and hotel room months ago. I bought my dress, that SHE agreed upon and said was okay for me. It's not super modest, but she said it was fine. I’ve spent well over $2,500 already and have put countless hours into helping her plan this wedding.
Her real wedding, as we call it. Worth noting this is her second marriage. I was a bridesmaid at the first one. Her first was more of a backyard venue thing, which is fine, but just saying, it didn't cost anyone NEARLY as much.
She called me a few nights ago and said she and her future mother-in-law had been talking and they’re concerned about how my tattoos will be perceived at the ceremony. For context: I’m heavily tattooed. Like from the tops of my feet to my forehead. Mostly american trad, and a blacked out arm. I have 3 small face tattoos. They’re tasteful, they’re a big part of my identity, and she has never had an issue with them before.
We talked again last night OTP because I really wasn't comfortable saying my peace when it was both her and her MIL. Now she’s telling me that my tattoos will distract from the sanctity of the ceremony and that it’s not appropriate for the setting. She said she’s been thinking it might be better if I wasn’t standing at the altar. And, as the text says, I can sit up front with the family...but not be her maid of honor anymore?
I asked her if she was seriously going to uninvite me from MOH because I have tattoos. She said it’s not personal, it’s about “honoring the traditions of the church and the culture."
She also isn't as religious as her fiancé and has in the past had very conservative views about things like tattoos, piercings. So part of me suspects this isn't all her, or that she's letting her MIL and future in laws push her around...?
She also brought up the dress — which, again, she said was GOOD, and now said it’s inappropriate for the venue. I offered to get a cover-up shawl or find something else. But it feels like she’s just looking for a reason to replace me.
Worst part is she's already asked her younger sister if she would step in as MOH just in case I can't. Like maybe she just changed her mind and wants to keep it a family-oriented event? But not even being offered to now be a bridesmaid instead? I love her, and would be honored to sit up front with her family, but that should have come up BEFOREHAND. It's too late for that, everything feels like its spiraling and I'm being kicked out for something I can't control.
I feel blindsided. I’ve bent over backwards to help make this wedding work, spent so much money, and now she’s acting like I’m an inconvenience or an embarrassment.
I don’t know what to do.
Do I still go as a guest? Do I just eat the money and stay home? Do I call her out on how awful this is? I just feel so disrespected and lost.
Is this worth ending a friendship over?
