If you didn’t read my last post, here’s a quick recap: my (26F) ex-best friend Kelsey (27F) demanded I shave my dachshund, Mercedes, because her “natural colors” clashed with the “Ocean Magic” aesthetic of her beach wedding. Mercedes was supposed to be the flower dog, btw. The wedding was today.
I did not go.
And no, Mercedes was not shaved or dyed green or dressed up like Sebastian from The Little Mermaid, although those comments had me crying laughing. Y’all are evil. I love it.
Anyeays, after she booted me from the group chat and sent me that wild message about shaving Mercedes, I decided to be petty with grace, I gave her a wedding gift.
Boxed up my $300 bridesmaid dress, the custom sea-glass collar Mercedes was supposed to wear, and a card that had just a 🙂 on it, and labeled it “for the blushing bride”
The tea comes courtesy of my friend Leo, one of the groomsmen, who had no idea about the whole dog-shaving fiasco until I told him after the ceremony.
Apparently…
•They had no backup flower dog. None. Kelsey assumed I’d cave and show up with a bald Mercedes like I was bringing a rotisserie chicken in a leash.
•Kelsey and her (now) husband even paused the ceremony for a bit thinking I had run late, but no I was not running late I was instead driving me and Mercedes back home with the windows down playing Taylor swift
•The groom, who apparently has OCD, got visibly agitated because there were 6 groomsmen and only 5 bridesmaids. The symmetry was off and he was not doing well. Leo said he kept muttering, “This is all wrong” during thr photos
•Kelsey’s mom apparently asked a random toddler from a guest family to walk down the aisle holding sea shells to “fill the flower role.” The toddler tripped. Chaos ensued
No one outside the bridal party knew what actually happened. Not until this afternoon, when I posted a picture of Mercedes (in her untouched, unbothered glory) on Facebook along with the screenshots of Kelsey’s messages. I tagged her.
The caption?
“Mercedes says she’s sorry she couldn’t ruin your aesthetic. She prefers having fur. :)”
I haven’t opened Facebook yet to see any of the replies, and I’m debating whether to also upload this on my instagram
Anyway, Mercedes and I are currently enjoying a beach of our own, with drinks and peace. She is proudly unshaved and wearing her collar like a crown
